Nigerians! Beware Of Witchcraft Food Ingredients – See This Bizarre Label

Check out the thick white arrow above, what do you see…white pepper or witchcraft?
I believe whoever did this didn’t make any mistake, witchcraft is part of the food ingredients.
So my people when you go shopping, make sure you check the label properly o make u no say naijagists no warn you o.

Naija, a country full of wonders.

Stay safe friends!

By admin Posted in Funny

Wizkid Performs For Empty Seats At Abuja Invasion Concert; Fans Shun Wizzy’s Concert

It was a show of shame for singer Ayo Balogun aka Wizkid in Abuja this past weekend.
On Sunday, the 20th of October 2013, an highly advertised musical concert tagged ‘Wizkid Live Abuja Invasion‘ held at the International conference center in Abuja.
To the surprise of many and Wizkid himself, over 80% of the chairs were left unfilled as fans allegedly shunned the concert.

Sources claim two factors caused the embarrassment.

1) Sunday schedule when most people are in church or other places of worship.
2) The title of the concert itself which looked similar to that of P-Square musical duo.

As embarrassing as the whole episode seems, Wizkid encouraged himself in the lord *wink*.

He took the Twitter to tell fans his upcoming concerts will bring in more money.
“Up! Aint worried about nothing.. on to the next one… owo n wole wa!

The show was meant to begin at 5pm but almost 80% of the seats were still empty until around 9:30pm when some fans started coming in.

Below are few pictures from the event.

Rihanna Asked To Leave Abu Dhabi Mosque For Violating Islamic Moral Codes

The phrase when you’re in Rome, u behave like Romans didn’t work well for celebrity singer Rihanna who is currently on a vacation in Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates.
The controversial singer known for her immoral dressing style stormed a mosque in Abu Dhabi this past weekend for a magazine photo-shoot.
In the photos she shared on her social networking page, the singer dressed all covered up like a decent muslim woman.
Moments into the shoot, Rihanna was asked to leave Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque compound by a staff after her actions were considered to be at odds with the ‘sanctity’ of the site,moreso, she did not have permission for a photo-shoot.
Here is an official statement released by the Mosque:
‘In the event of behaviour that violates the moral codes of access to the mosque, or other visit regulations – such as taking inappropriate pictures, posing in ways that are improper in the
context of sacred place, talking loudly, or eating – the violators are directed in a polite manner that reflects the civilisational and tolerant attributes of Islam,’
Another reason Rihanna was asked to leave was because she didn’t get a proper permission to do so.
Rihanna reportedly left minutes after she was barred from entering the mosque after she was accused of taken pictures that do not conform with the conditions and regulations put in place by the Centre’s management to regulate visits in a way that takes the status and sanctity of the mosque into consideration.’
The star singer didn’t reveal this to fan but the mosque’s officials made it open on Monday the 21st of October 2013 in Abu Dhabi.

Below are some photos of Rihanna at the aforementioned Mosque in Abu Dhabi before she was asked to leave the compound.
See photos of her performance in the strict Islamic country.

Patience Jonathan Awarded Doctorate Degree At Uniport, University Of Port Harcourt

The First Lady of the Federal Republic Of Nigeria, Mrs Dame Patience Jonathan has been awarded a first class doctorate degree at the University of Port Harcourt, UNIPORT.
Recently, five notable Nigerians were conferred with honourary doctorate degrees at the 2013’s convocation ceremony
This was made known by UNIPORT VC, Professor Joseph Ajienka in Port Harcourt Rivers State.
Known for her improper grammar usage, Dr Patience Jonathan has become a subject of ongoing bad English scandal.

We eagerly await her acceptance speech **wink**

“Nigerians Now Read News Online”- Newspaper Vendors Blame Internet For Low Sales

Newspaper vendors in the eastern Nigerian city of Umuahia, in Abia State, have attributed the low sales being experienced to the public’s dependence on social media and newspaper reviews by broadcast stations in the country.
Some of the vendors, who spoke with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), also noted that another factor for the dwindling number of newspaper readers was unemployment especially among the youths.
One of the vendors, Mr Daniel Maduagwu, recalled the good days when, he said, sale of newspaper was a lucrative business.
“It used to be a lucrative business but since the advent of social media it has dwindled in terms of what we sell on daily basis because some people now prefer to read the news online.
“Some radio stations review these papers very early in the morning. After listening to the review, some people may lose interest in buying newspapers to read,“ he said.
He said that the economic status of prospective customers had an effect on their trade.
“Economic hardship in Nigeria is another thing that is impacting negatively on our business because I believe we first of all need to eat, take care of some other things, before we can talk about reading newspapers.
“Another problem we have is the issue of free readers; every morning, they cluster around our tables and sometimes you have to push them away before they agree to leave your newsstand.
Some may not even be interested in reading.
“They like to just gather around and listen to other people’s discussions about national events,“ Maduagwu stated.
Another vendor, Mr Agwu Okpara, said that it was disturbing that most vendors were now finding it difficult to address the needs of their families owing to the dwindling fortunes of the business of selling newspapers.
“To be frank, since the introduction of social media the business has dropped. People now go to the internet to read any paper they want to read. They don’t come here and patronise us as
they used to
“So we are finding it very difficult. Before now, on days like this, people will be here waiting for Guardian to arrive. I used to get N2,000, N3,000 deposits from people for The Guardian newspaper alone.
“But it is no longer so because of the internet. So this thing has automatically killed the business. We are no longer living up to expectations,“ he lamented.
Okpara appealed to the government at all levels to do more in the area of job creation, and to also come up with a legislation that would reduce the news content in the social media.

[News Agency Of Nigeria]

By admin Posted in Funny

Iyanya & Manager Ubi Franklin’ Twitter & Facebook Accounts Hacked

On Monday the 7th of October 2013, Iyanya and his music manager, Ubi Franklin woke up to a rude surprise after they discovered false endorsement messages on their Twitter profiles.
Apparently the duo have been victims of Twitter and Facebook hacking attack in the past 24 hours.
Iyanya took to his Instagram page few hours ago to make this issue official;

Check out the official press release below;

Regrettably, the individual(s) involved have posted false endorsements on Iyanya’s Facebook page and Twitter with the aim of deceiving fans and followers for personal gain, and have maliciously changed Ubi Franklin’s Twitter handle.
We’re currently working with Twitter and Facebook to regain access to the accounts and in the meantime fans can continue to interact with Iyanya via his official Instagram account (@Iyanya).

Iyanya is not the only victim of this kind of attack, popular celebrity like 2face Idibia and others have experienced similar cases in the past.

20 Eid-el-Kabir, Ileya Rams Arrested In Lagos State Nigeria

Officials of the the Lagos State Environment and Special Offences Enforcement Unit have confiscated dozens of rams on display for sale in a prohibited area of the state.
The task force from the governor’s office had chased the ram sellers who converged at Ijora-Olopa area and carted their rams to an unknown detention centre.
The owners of the rams claimed they were unaware that their sales point was prohibited and also claimed they were not forewarned.
The ram sellers, with seven days left to the Eid-el-Kabir festival,have appealed to Gov. Babatunde Fashola to release the rams.
They made the appeal on Monday in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Lagos.
Mr Muhammed Mudi, leader of the ram sellers, expressed shock over the development, saying that the situation was embarrassing.
Mudi said that they were not expecting the officials since they had had approached an official of the Ministry of Agriculture who gave them permission to sell rams at the location.
“An official from Agriculture Ministry gave us permission to use this place, but I was surprised when I heard that he had been arrested.
“These ram sellers came from Sokoto State and they are not aware of the relocation order.
“That is why we are appealing to the governor to allow us to make our sales here this year; we promise not to bring our rams here next year, “ he said.
Mudi said that the task force came to the market and carted away their rams in trucks.
Sulaiman Saliu, one of the ram sellers, said that bringing the rams to Lagos was expensive and urged the government to allow them to sell their rams.
“We spent a lot of money to buy these rams and use N3, 000 each to transport them to Lagos without the other various charges from different local governments.
“We plead with the government to tolerate us this year, “ Saliu said.
He said that the dislocation would have effect on the price of the rams.
“If we are sent away from this point, it will result in additional charges on the ram because we will still pay for transporting them to a new place. In fact, it is going to be a great loss on our own part and that is why we are appealing to the government not to take our rams away from here, “ he said.
Reacting, Mr Olaide Agboola, Chief Superintendent of Police (CSP), who led the team, said that the State Ministry of Agriculture had designated some locations for sale of rams in
the state.
Agboola said that he had sent some officers to Ijora on Sunday who gave the ram sellers 24-hour deadline to vacate the place.
“We have told them that Lagos State Government will not tolerate littering the state with wastes; they should go and sell their rams in designated areas.
“I will make sure that not a single ram remains in this place today. This will serve as a lesson to other traders, “ he said.

[NAN]

By admin Posted in Funny

Drama As Lizard Enters Femi Kuti’s Car On Lagos Third Mainland Bridge

Over the weekend, popular Afrobeat singer, Femi Kuti caused a scene that attracted a large crowd when he sought help to fish out a lizard that entered his car via the dashboard on the Third
Mainland Bridge in Lagos.
Femi Kuti narrated his ordeal jokingly at MUSON Center’s pre-event news briefing. The Afrobeat King said he was horrified by the event.
He said a lizard appeared all of a sudden, from the dashboard of the car, while he was at top speed, starring at him snappily before ducking away.
In no time, the search party increased around the Black Prado Jeep. Perhaps then, it dawned on the musician, how seriously he had painted the scenario. The crowd, including his colleague,
Yinka Davies begun to get amused, and Kuti, tried to make a joke of the situation.

“You know, it could have been a disaster if the lizard had run through my trousers, climbing to my private part. You can imagine how jumpy I could have reacted, trying to protect my manhood. Because, that to me is an important part of who I am,I can’t joke with it.” The crowd roared with laughter.
“Evil people could be at work,” added the musician jocularly,still wondering how the lizard got into his car.

After the event, Femi Kuti refused to drive the car until the lizard was found.

Hahahaha so this bobo too fear winch winch people…. funny man!

Naked Delta Kokori Women Protest Assault By The Nigerian Army

Few hours ago, hundreds of unclad Kokori women took to the streets of Ethiope East LGA of Delta State to protest JTF invasion.
According to sources from the crisis-ridden community, about 100 naked protesters were unhappy that their husbands have fled the community due to the military operation launched in the wake of the arrest of notorious criminal, Kelvin Oniarah.
It was gathered that naked young and old protesters defied soldiers who were deployed to the community in the wake of Friday’s attack on the palace of the Ovie of Agbon Kingdom,HRM Ogurimerime Ukori 1, by armed youths suspected to be members of the notorious kidnap kingpin’s gang.
A source from the community said, “The women number about 100, they are singing mourning songs about the fate of Kokori.” “They said the soldiers who prevented their husband from coming home should come and sleep with them and perform the duties of their husbands,” said a source
As at the time of this report, Colonel Ifeanyi Otu, the Commanding Officer in charge of the community couldn’t be reached for confirmation.

Pricasso: Australian Artist Tim Patch Uses Manhood To Paint Portraits (Pictures)

The expression ‘wonders never cease’ is an understatement in the case of an Australian artist by the name of Tim Patch popularly called Pricasso who uses his manhood to paint pictures.
Instead of the usual paint brush artist use, Pricasso chose to be different by using the tip of his manhood to paint perfect pictures of people.
At a recent art exhibition, Mr Pricasso presented portraits he made with his manhood and proudly declared himself the founder of pénís-art.
Check out more portraits Pricasso the artist did with his manhood below;

By admin Posted in Funny

Hausa Man Slapped Nigerian Police Officer On Duty In Abuja; Yahaya Tunawa Jailed

An Hausa man is currently cooling off at Keffi Medium Prison in Abuja after he allegedly slapped Assistant Superintendent of Police Jeremiah Okporo.
According to the abused officer who was sent to settle a quarrel between Tunawa and a man named Fidelis Eke, he got a dirty slap after the suspect resisted his arrest.
Police prosecutor, Inspector Phillip Akogwu told the court that the case was reported to Karu Police station by Fidelis Eke on Wednesday Sept 18, 2013.
Presiding judge, Alhaji Umar Kagarko, ordered that Tunawa be remanded in Keffi Medium Prison till 13 November.
The offence he said contravened sections 327, 172, and 267 of the Penal Code.
The Aboki said he’s not guilty of the offence because he acted in self-defense.

Kemi Olunloyo Closed Facebook Fan Page “Nigerians Want Me To Commit Suicide”

Few hours after she threatens to kill herself if President Jonathan wins re-election in 2015, the daughter of former governor of Oyo State, Kemi Omololu Olunloyo has closed down her Facebook account.
According to her, 115 Nigerians want her dead. Kemi said she’ll rather close her popular Facebook page instead of killing herself.

Hear Kemi in her own words:
“115 Nigerians wished me Suicide!It was as joke that our people play with such a thing when I cracked a joke that I will commit Suicide if Jonathan wins 2015.
Not only did they not look at the bigger pic that he will win b4 I kill myself, they all had different ways for me to do it and wished it so bad.

Say no to suicide. It is not a joke
#RIP to all we lost in the struggle
My fanpage is now closed PERMANENTLY”

As at the time of our check this morning, Kemi Olunloyo has deleted her popular Madam Governor fan page located at https://www.facebook.com/MadamGovernor.

Hahahahaha this woman is funny. She gave me a good belly laugh…
Why play with something you don’t want in the first place.

Stella Damasus Claims She Lied About Daughter’s Photo For Publicity Stunt

In what fans are now calling a shameful attempt to gain popularity, controversial Nollywood actress Stella Damasus has agreed she lied to her fans about a photo of her daughter she shared few weeks ago.
In this latest interview, the mother of two claims she planned the whole thing with her new husband, movie producer Daniel Ademinokan.
The big madam and her husband are now revealing their true colour isn’t it?
Of what use is spreading false and misleading information to fans that believe in you?

Aunty Stella, the next time you plan to use this kind of trick,think about the negative effective it will have on your reputation in the future…#saidmyown

95-Year-Old Gay Man Marries 65-Year Old Partner; WW2 Veteran Soldiers Marry At Senior Home

On Friday the 13th of September, a one of a kind gay wedding took place at a Senior home in San Diego, California.
In the event that marks the home’s first gay marriage, a 95-year-old World War 2 veteran named John Banvard married his gay lover, 67-year-old Gerard Nadeau.
The gay couple dated for 20 years before their wedding on Friday.
They couldn’t marry all this while because of gay marriage’s illegality in the state.
Recently the Supreme court made gay marriage legal in California.
The man-to-man wedding ceremony took place at their home with few friends in attendance. They sealed it with a kiss after exchanging vows. Those who kicked against their marriage simply did not attend.
‘It was something we wanted to do for a long time’, Mr Banvard said.
Many of the residents at the senior home were against their union.
They protested in a bid to stop it but the building management insisted the couple had a right to get married.

This is very odd.

Nigerian Actress Uchenna Nnanna Denies Porn Star Rumour “I’m A Strong Christian”

Talented Nigerian actress Uchenna Nnanna who recently survived a serious accident has spoken up for the very first time after weeks of viral porn star rumour.
Gossips claim the actress recently features in one of the latest Nollywood adult movies.
In a recent interview, when asked about the rumour, the actress said;
“I can’t, no matter what is involved. So many people don’t see anything wrong in it but I see lots of wrongs in it. My personal principle and religious background wouldn’t allow me go nude
on the screen. I come from a very strong Christian home; it is not the kind of things expected of me. I’m a strong Catholic and have a reputation to protect. Most importantly, God wouldn’t be happy with me. I’m not a porn star for crying out loud. Apart from going nude, I don’t think there is anything I can’t do for the sake of acting”
Her younger sister Chikodi Nnanna married an Oyinbo man from Netherlands in Ikoyi Lagos last month.

Most Beautiful Girl In Nigeria Denied Visa At US Embassy; Fiona Amuzie Recounts Ordeal

Nigerian beauty queen Fiona Amuzie, the founder of FOTIP and the winner of Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria beauty pageant in 2010 has recalled her most embarrassing moment.
The winner of Miss UJ 2009 recounts her ordeal at the United States Embassy in Nigeria a while back.
The 2nd year Coventry University student narrates how she was embarrassed by a Visa offiicer despite her regalia.

Hear Fiona Amuzie in her own words below;

“My most embarrassing experience happened at the US embassy. As a queen, I went there for the US visa in my full regalia, the dress, the crown, everything. And you won’t believe me, they denied me the visa. It was so embarrassing. I later went back after my reign as Fiona Amuzie and this time
they gave me.”

American embassy officials care less about societal status when it comes to visa application approval.

Man To Marry His Pet Goat In Church Of Satan; Satanic Wedding Ritual Holds In Brazil

Satanic Wedding Ritual Holds In Sao Paolo Brazil Next Month
In a bizarre twist to love story, a 74-year-old retired man from Jundiai in Brazil who recently developed an intimate feeling for his pet goat will be getting married to the animal on October
13th, 2013.
Aparecido Castaldo, a retired stone cutter reportedly fell in love with his goat 2 years ago.
The goat named Carmelita has been accepted as a step-mum by Aparecido’s 7 grown children who lost their biological mother few years back.
Due to the controversial nature of the wedding, animal rights activists are vowing to disrupt the wedding but to appease them,the goat husband-to-be said he has no plan to have intimacy with the goat.
He just needs a life companion and Carmelita is just perfect.
“Whenever someone says I am doing something wrong I reply the goat does not speak, ask for money to go shopping and doesn’t get pregnant – and she can’t talk,” the groom-to-be praised his future wife. She does have one fault, though – she
tries to eat everything, including the first wedding dress Aparecido got for her. Luckily, he was able to find another“.
On the 13th of October, Aparecido Castaldo plans to hold a wedding reception party with no goat meat on the menu.
Because Christian ministers found the idea disturbing, no church in Brazil could accept his proposal.
The rejection led him to a popular Satanic leader, Toninho do Diabo popularly called Tom the Devil. He is the founder of Devil’s church in Sao Paolo, Brazil.
”Only our church accepted this love between man and animal because we have no prejudice,” Toninho said.

Lord have mercy.

Which type of satanic idea is this? Man to marry a goat!!

Beyonce Suffers Wardrobe Malfunction In Italy (Pictures)

A fun journey almost ended up in disaster for celebrity singer Beyonce and her hubby, rapper Jay-Z.
The couple who recently arrived Capri Island in Italy almost suffered embarrassment as Beyonce struggled when a button suddenly popped open on her blue jumpsuit.
In the pictures, Jay-Z was spotted looking at Beyonce’s dress with concern as the mother of one battle to put herself back together.
As embarrassing as it looked, Beyonce quickly managed to cover her chest without revealing too much.
She was obviously embarrassed about the incident and was seen looking red-faced as she laughed off the narrow miss, before walking alongside her husband into Taverna Anema e Core eatery on the island of Capri.

“My Wife Is A Sex Addict, She Works Me Like A Man” – Husband Wants Divorce

….She’s Never Satisfied In Bed”

A 42-year-old- factory worker, Mr Sola Babarinde, has asked an Orile-Agege Customary Court in Lagos State to dissolve his 11-year-old marriage to his wife, Nurat, because she threatened to pour acid on his new wife and is never satisfied with sex.
Babarinde had approached the court to seek dissolution of his marriage over allegations of infidelity and threat to his life by his wife.
The resident of 91, Old Otta Road, Orile-Agege in Lagos State,told the court that his wife, Nurat, had taken to adultery, does not cook for him anymore and has an extremely high libido.
“My wife is never satisfied in bed, she asks for more even when we have gone two rounds, she behaves more like a man than a woman. Because of this, she goes out at will and comes home late at night. I have never enjoyed my union with her.
“She left me for six months and before she came back, I had taken another wife to take care of the two children she left for me,” he said.
Babarinde further alleged that Nurat threatened to pour acid on the new wife if she refused to leave the house for her.
“I can’t accept Nurat back because she has done a lot of damage to my life. I want the court to dissolve the union and grant me custody of my children,” he said.
However, 36-year-old Nurat denied all the allegations, adding that her husband was lying just to get rid of her.
Nurat, a trader and resident of 9, Gbadamosi Street, Orile- Agege, stated that since her husband didn’t want her again, she was also ready for divorce.
She also levelled allegations against Babarinde.
She stated: “My husband married another wife while I was sick and was taken out of Lagos for treatment.
“He goes around with anything in skirt and he is always drunk whenever he comes back from work. He came here to lie against me just because he doesn’t want me again.
“I met him when he was wearing rags and now that he thinks he has something, he said he is tired of me,” she said.
The court president, Mr Joseph Adewusi, told the couple to maintain peace and adjourned the case for judgment.

[Source: Tribune]

By admin Posted in Funny

Patrick Obahiagbon Unveils Profile, Gives Trouser Style A Grammatical Name ‘Yohji Yamamoto’

Nigeria’s top grammatalogist, Patrick Obahiagbon has granted the first tell-it-all interview about himself. In this recent interview with the Punch, the Edo State lawmaker talked at length on his educational background and his challenges when
he was in school.
He later talked about his religion and his bizarre mode of dressing.
Hon Obahiagbon has given a name to his funny trouser style and it’s Yohji Yamamoto.
According to him, he wears the pant occasionally to relay a positive message to youths who dress indecently.

Interview excerpt below;
What is your educational background
I am by the grace of the celestial choir, a legal practitioner, a public administrator, an international historian and a diplomat. I earned a degree in Law and was called to the Nigerian Bar as a solicitor and advocate of the Supreme Court of Nigeria about 25 years ago and I do also have a double-barreled Master’s degree in Public Administration and in International History and
Diplomacy.

Why do you always speak ‘big grammar’?
I am not really consensus ad idem with those who opine that my idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no no, it’s just that I am in my elements when the colloquy has to do with the pax nigeriana of our dreams and one necessarily needs to fulminate
against the alcibiadian modus vivendi of our prebendal political class.

How do you talk to your wife, children and even your friends?
I relate with my family and friends very warmly and in an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped of my confutational habiliment and gladiatorial homilies. I am a very peaceful, calm, level-headed and celestially attuned soul personality.

Is this the way you proposed to your wife, speaking high tech grammar?
Of course, the business of the day when I interfaced with my wife on matters of the heart had to be in plain Caeser’s language and you can decipher why that had to be so. The matter in view
did not permit itself of sphinxian conundrum.
It’s a long time ago, so I can’t remember the exact words I used.
We had a relationship for ten years before we got married.
We’re looking at close to 20 years ago.

How does your family understand your English?
My family and friends understand me perfectly just the same way you understand me now though, I must admit that it depends on the issues on the piazza.

Is this the way you were speaking in your school days?
I’m sure if you confer with my school mates they will tell you that I no longer speak what those who just know me now call “grammar.” I could speak for about twenty minutes when I was in the university and you won’t understand one word of what I said. I must say I have deteriorated in my grammatical construct.

How did you start speaking in this manner?
It all happened when my father brought me a teaser which stated that good orators had ruled the world and you must have to be a feisty orator if you must rule the world. As an impressionable
young man, I alacritously threw myself into the whirligig of improving my usage of words by amassing new words on a daily basis.

Did you write exams in school in these big words?
I used such words very-very freely in my exams both at the secondary school and in my university and little wonder I had the misfortune of my English results being seized intermittently
in my O’ Levels.
WAEC released my results for the other subjects and withheld my English result. This happened for about three years. Twice, I passed the University Matriculation Examination but I could not proceed to the University because of my English results that were not released. At the end of the day, it was released after the third attempt.

Didn’t you have problems with your teachers?
It no doubt gave me serious issues at the university and that is because some, if not most of my lecturers, ran away with the erroneous impression that my attitudinal predilection had a deprecable tinge of academic braggadocio and intellectual
megalomania. But this assumption was both mendacious and a fallacious ad hominem. I could not but take solace in that Latin apothegm which states that O Tempora! O Mores.

Was English your best subject?
My best subject in secondary school was government and religion and am sure that I was drawn to religion because, I now know as a student of Rosicrucian mysticism, that I was a
student of divine light in my last incarnation. As for government, I just fell in love with the subject due to my early attraction in life to issues of political-economy.

So what did you score in English language?
English language was of course my hobbyhorse and passion but like I earlier asseverated, my results were constantly guillotined to my utter chagrin that I had to lapse into a jeremiad of
lachrymoseim for a period of aeon. I would need to check the result again to be sure of my score.

Do you pray the same way you speak?
God understands all languages, my brother and I pray to God using any word that pops up. May I posit that the key points in prayers are your sincerity, purity of heart, walking within the
compass and to what extent are you ready and worthy of receiving the benediction of the cosmic and the cosmic masters because as we say in mysticism- “when the students are ready, the masters would appear.”
Take my words my brother that more than seventy per cent of humanity don’t know how to pray but that is a matter for another day.

By the way, are there other names you call God?
God is variously known as Jehovah, Yaweh, The Great Grand Architect of the Universe, The Cosmic Host and several other names known alone to heirophants but which names are so ineffable for me to mention here.

Do you know that many people don’t take you too seriously when you talk because they think you are not communicating?
Why will I be perturbed from ensconcing myself in the palatable arms of Morpheus because people have deprived themselves of the cultivation of the regime of the mental magnitude? I read all the farrago of baloneys and vacuous bunkum from pepper soup objurgators. The spirit of animadversion remains their fundamental human right. It also remains an indubitable fact that
I get millions and millions of requests daily from people all over the world requesting for my verbal mentorship which positive cosmopolitan reactions have assisted my equipoise and righteous sense of pachydermatous garb. I cannot put my nose to the grindstone daily and expect to be understood by those luxuriating in a modus vivendi, verging on pepper souping, goat heading, suyaing, big stouting and isiewulising. Has a philosophical wag not once pontificated that things of the spirit
are spiritually discerned and that it takes the deep to call the deep? We will speak more on this matter of critiques and chichi dodo another day.

You were there when a teacher in your state couldn’t pronounce ‘solemnly’, how did you feel?
I was indeed sad that a teacher in Edo State could not pronounce a simple word as ‘solemn’. That was certainly one of my low moments in the service of Edo State but the eulogies must go to Comrade Adams Oshiomhole who put in place the
infrastructure that made it possible to detect such an egregious ambience and this government would stop at nothing in cleansing the Augean stables.

Have you ever considered organising English classes in Edo State?
I would have loved to organise English classes, my brother, but you will agree with me that I am sufficiently busy just now.

Why do you pull your trousers up beyond the waist?
Hahahaha….That trousers style is called Yohji Yamamoto. It was my own audacious statement to remonstrate against the pervasive tendency of Nigerians especially our youths that took to the practice of putting on trousers exposing their lower
anatomical contours and I will do it over and over again.

When you speak to Caucasians of English origin, how do they react to you?
My friends that are whites simply marvel and sometimes get maniacally bewildered when we engage, most times to my consternation.

Do you think that you understand English language better than the owners of the language?
I have never had the ambition to know the English language more than the owners. However, I must mention that they are shocked most times to find out several words from me they never heard of that existed in the dictionary. Yet, those words are supposed to be theirs. Na so we see am.

Have you ever met with the Nobel Laureate, Prof. Wole Soyinka? And what’s your opinion of him?
Professor Wole Soyinka is an international personality. It’s either you have met him personally or by reputation. He is a great man and I enjoy reading him anytime, any day.

Can you ever be caught speaking what many would consider as normal English?
I speak in plain Ceasers language or what you call the normal language and let me tell you that I will hold my own even in pidgin conversation. No just try me at all at all o.

What is your take on the ongoing crisis in the PDP?
The crisis in PDP? All I can say is that I join some people to dey laugh o and he be like say my laugh go tay well well o.

Are you likely to contest for a political office?
I am still in politics, serving the good and amiable people of Edo State. Being the Chief of Staff to the comrade governor is in itself an art of daily political engineering.

Do you look forward to developing your own dictionary?
My own dictionary? I have never really given that a thought, but there is a young man in one of our universities who travelled all the way to meet me in Benin. His doctoral thesis is on “Obahiagbonism as a style of language.”

How many dictionaries do you read a day and how often do you read dictionaries?
I have read and still do read a vaudeville of dictionaries from Websters to Funk and Wagnalls, from Cambridge to Oxford dictionaries, from Black’s Law Dictionary to Encarta and from
Encyclopedia Britannica to Foreignisms, etcetera. I developed my corpus of vocabulary by reading omnivorously. I have also Spent nothing less than an hour daily on my dictionary for over twenty years. So, whereas the dictionary for most people is a mere occasional reference point, it is for, me a vade-mecum. It may also interest you to know that there is much to learn from our daily newspapers.

You seem to mix English with other languages…
On mixing of languages; that comes with reading omnivorously. You cannot but pick these words here and there if you have an audacious reading culture.

Is any of your children like you?
My children are still growing but I petition the celestial choir and cosmic hosts to give them the gift of kissing the hybla bee.

What is your favourite quote?
One of my favorite quotes is from the sapiential mind of the late Ikene philosopher, Papa Jeremiah Obafemi Awolowo, when he was quoted as saying that, “the greatest glory is not in never
falling but to rise up after a fall.”

Are you planning to contest in 2015?
I always feel flattered and smile with delight when I hear positive commentary on my tenure at the National Assembly and the wish of Nigerians to see me back at the National Assembly. I am humbled but as a student of mysticism, nothing
happens in my life by accident. I am a robot in the hands of God and from that point of view therefore, 2015 would take care of itself. All my efforts just now my brother is geared towards
complementing the efforts of the comrade governor in the total transmogrification of Edo State which is enough to chew at the moment. Let me however use this opportunity of your question
to appreciate my numerous admirers all over the world.

How are you coping with the Governor of Edo State,knowing that the two of you have strong personalities?
When two or more personages are united only by the bonds of rendering service, that in itself becomes an agglutinating fragrance. In any case, I am very clear that Comrade Oshio Baba is the Governor of Edo State and I am his privileged Chief of Staff. So we are working together very harmoniously and in an ambience of conviviality in our unstoppable desire in taking Edo
State to the next level.

[Interview culled from Punch Hot Seat]

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